Be Kind to Yourself, and You Can Stop Binge  Eating Disorder.

Picture a woman alone in her kitchen, uncontrollably eating 2 pints of ice cream followed by six slices of cold pizza, a box of cookies, and a half-dozen doughnuts. Why would she do that?
Because she's been on a strict, low-fat diet, and she just can't stand the deprivation anymore? Because she hates her "failure" to have the "perfect" body and be "perfect" in dozens of other ways, and she's unconsciously punishing herself with food? Because she started to have a feeling that was unacceptable to her, and, without knowing why, she immediately began to eat a huge quantity of food to numb herself?

The answer, as you probably suspected, is all of the above.
"The personal issues that are expressed through binge eating-or what I call emotional eating-usually have nothing to do with food," says Geneen Roth of Santa Cruz, California, an expert on the relationship between emotions and overeating. "Food is just the substance of choice that people use at that moment to act out or repress or avoid their feelings."

All of which means that the alternative to the self-hating, self-punishing diet-binge cycle is not another diet.

"The fourth law of the universe is that for every diet, there is an equal and opposite binge," says Roth. Besides, she adds, dieting is useless. Only 5 percent of people who lose weight on diets keep it off.
One answer to binge eating is to deal with the underlying emotional issues by learning how to be kinder to yourself. The alternative remedies in this chapter can help you to do just that.

BINGE-FREE EATING: Follow These Seven Guidelines
You can start to discover the personal feelings and beliefs about your self that lead to binge eating if you follow some eating guidelines. "Whatever you believe about food, you believe about yourself and your life," Roth says. She suggests the following eating guidelines as a great way to start to discover who you are, accept who you are, and begin to understand and outgrow the self-destructive patterns of binge eating.

• Eat only when you are hungry.
• Eat sitting down in a calm environment (this does not include the car).
• Eat without distractions, including radio, TV, newspapers, books, intense or anxiety-producing conversations, and music.
• Eat only what you want.
• Eat until you are satisfied.
• Eat as if you were in full view of others.
• Eat with enjoyment, pleasure, and gusto.

MEDITATION: Make Your Presence Known
"All of us are walking around looking for an elusive something and missing the very thing that could fill us," says Roth. "Every day, in every moment, we spend our lives thinking about what we already did or are going to do, and we completely miss what we are doing."

This can lead to tremendous hunger, which you may try to fill by binge eating. By putting all your attention on whatever you're doing, however-by being "present" -you satisfy that hunger.
"For 5 minutes a day, bring your full attention to whatever you are doing," she says. "Walk while you walk. Talk while you talk. Eat while you eat."

Roth suggests a specific presence exercise as a daily meditation for binge eaters. Do it in the morning before you get out of bed.
Begin focusing your attention on the sensations that arise in the arch of your right foot. Then, as if you were squeezing a tube of toothpaste, move your attention up through your calf, your shin, and your knee. Proceed in the same way to your right hip, then up your right arm from your hand to your shoulder. When you get to your shoulder, move to your left shoulder, down your arm to your hand, and from your left hip to your left foot.

"During the day, each time you remember, sense your arms and legs again," says Roth. "Presence enables you to see that this body, your home, the place you've spent years trying to change, is a pretty cool place to be."

CHOCOLATE: Savor the Taste
One of the best presence exercises is to carry a chocolate bar with you at all times and eat one (and only one) square of it after each meal. This will be a piece of chocolate that you're really going to taste. When Roth asks people in her workshops to eat just one chocolate kiss, the typical reaction is "One's not going to be enough!" But, says Roth, when you eat a piece of chocolate with presence, you may be surprised at what happens. "You may find that you don't even like the taste, that it's too sweet," she says, "or that one is truly enough and that you feel satisfied."
Any number of positive things can happen when you're actually present as you're eating, when you're not thinking about something else as you eat that, chocolate or not eating it as a mere prelude to the next six bars or not feeling guilty that you're eating it at all, Roth says. You may realize that you can enjoy a small amount of typically "forbidden" food without triggering a binge. You may see that you can actually tell when you're hungry and when you're satisfied. And you may learn to trust yourself to follow the eating guidelines that will help take you beyond the self-destructive binge-diet cycle.

VISUALIZATION: Give Back Your Unhealthy Beliefs
The negative self-images that can cause you to binge are often the result of negative beliefs that you learned in childhood and adolescence, usually from hearing your parents or other significant people in your life criticize you, says Deirdra Price, Ph.D., a psychologist in San Diego and president of Diet Free Solution.

Common beliefs and attitudes among binge eaters include "I must be perfect or I am nothing"; "I must please everyone all the time"; "Other people's needs are more important than mine"; "I need to be thin to be happy"; "No one will want me or love me if I'm fat"; "I am a weak person"; and "I don't deserve good things." You can free yourself from these negative beliefs, says Dr. Price, by "giving them back" to the person from whom you got them. Do this with the following three-part visualization (mental imagery) exercise.

1. Sit or stand in a comfortable position and imagine that you are surrounded by white light. Think about the belief that you no longer want to have. Shut your eyes and see the person who gave you the belief standing in front of you.
2. Cup each of your hands as if you're going to scoop water from a stream to drink. Place your cupped hands behind your back, waist high, with the cupped part facing your back. Scrape your hands around your body as if gathering something off your waist.
"You are gathering the 'energy' attached to the beliefs that are connected to you," says Dr. Price. "When you come to the front of your body, you will have in your cupped hands the belief, symbolically held." 3. With your eyes shut, see the person to whom you are returning the belief. Say, "I give you back to you," pushing your cupped hands out and toward the person as if you were releasing a bird. Repeat this five or six times.

Since this visualization takes only a few seconds, you can do it many times a day, says Dr. Price.

Let Affirmations Guide You To Self Acceptance.
Self-hatred is one of the causes of binge eating. Someone who keeps telling herself that her body is fat, her actions despicable, and her personality flawed is likely to punish herself-with a binge. If you can free yourself of negative thinking, however, you'll be much less likely to binge. One of the best ways to do that is with affirmations, positive phrases that you say to yourself many times a day. "Affirmations are an effective way to counter your negative internal dialogue;' says Deirdra Price, Ph.D., a psychologist in San Diego and president of Diet Free Solution. "By owning and accepting all of your characteristics, you can recognize your humanness and learn to like yourself, creating a sense of inner peace." Here are four kinds of affirmations recommended by Dr. Price.

• Self-acceptance: "I accept myself exactly how I am today. I may change my mind tomorrow, but for today, I accept myself'
  

• Self-acceptance for feelings: "I accept how I'm feeling right now. It may not be particularly comfortable, it may even be painful, yet I accept how I feel at this moment. I may decide to ignore my feelings tomorrow, but for today, I am accepting them:'
• Self-acceptance for body image: "I accept my body the way it is today. I may decide to change my mind tomorrow and hate my body, but for today, I accept it."
• Self-acceptance for making mistakes: "I accept myself even though I made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes from time to time. I may choose to hate myself tomorrow for many mistakes I make then, but for today, I accept that I made a mistake and I am still okay." Memorize these self-acceptance affirmations or write them down on index cards or sticky notes and put them where you'll see them every day. Start using them as soon as you wake up. Don't stop using them if they don't work right away. If a negative thought comes up in response to the affirmation, Dr. Price suggests that you say to yourself, "Not today. I'm not going there today:'