Moving beyond the Pain of Grief.

The death of a loved one may be the most profound emotional experience that we will ever have to endure. Unfortunately, there's no quick "cure" for such grief. There are alternative approaches that can help ease your pain in a time of sorrow, however.

One key is to allow yourself to fully feel all of the painful emotions that you experience after a loss. If you don't, those emotions are stored in the body as tension and can cause physical or emotional disease, says Arthur Samuels, M.D., medical director of the Stress Treatment Center of New Orleans.

BREATHING: Feel, Release, Love
Meditating on saying goodbye can help you fully experience and relieve the pain of grief, Dr. Samuels says. Here's how to do it.

Identify where in your body you feel emotional pain, anger, sorrow, or fear. Common places are the heart, stomach, or throat, but it can be anywhere, or you may sense it in your whole body. Then imagine seeing, hearing, and touching this place. For example, you might "see" a sad expression on that part of you.

Allow yourself to breathe as if you are inhaling and exhaling from your heart. You might see yourself as a 5-year-old child looking very sad. Imagine opening the space around your heart and breathing in the painful emotion. Accept it uncritically. As you breathe out, send compassionate love to the part of you that is suffering. For the time being, let other thoughts pass and focus entirely on breathing in the painful emotion and transforming it into loving feelings.

After you have done this for a while, start to say goodbye to the person you've lost. Say goodbye in great detail and bid farewell to everything that you remember about them. Let yourself cry with each goodbye. You may want to have someone hold you as you go through this step.

If and when you start to feel more comfortable, begin to think of the essence of what you miss about your loved one. Perhaps it was the person's laughter or their affection for you. Open up to your tears and

breathe in that essence. Feel it becoming part of you, a gift from your loved one, an attribute that you can now express in your life.

"Don't worry it in the first few days or weeks after your loss you don't feel any pain. You just feel numb," Dr. Samuels says. "At some point, the reality of your loss will set in, and you will be more able to do this exercise. If you do this every day, each time you miss your loved one, you'll find it a very effective experience for resolving grief."

Flower Essences Heal the Soul Naturally.

Flower essences, which are specially formulated preparations of specific flowers, can help heal emotional and mental problems by removing blockages to the full expression of the soul's innate strength and resilience, says Patricia Kaminski, co founder and co director of the Flower Essence Society, based in Nevada City, California. They are particularly effective in times of grief, she says. Take four drops four times a day for several months.

BLEEDING HEART: For the Loss of a Loved One
The flower essence known as bleeding heart is a remedy for someone who has lost a loved one, even a pet, says Kaminski. The remedy helps mend the heart, she says, allowing you to deeply experience grief and feel closure about the loss.

BORAGE: For the Courage to Continue
It you feel heavy hearted, with a weight on your soul that stops you from re-engaging the world, borage is the right remedy, says Kaminski.



"It is a very uplifting remedy that allows the soul to find a buoyancy, a full-heartedness to carry on," she says.

LOVE-LIES-BLEEDING: For Self-Pity
If you feel that God and people have forsaken you, and you cannot understand why you need to suffer so profoundly, the essence called love-lies-bleeding is the right remedy, says Kaminski. "It helps the soul move with and accept loss."

YERBA SANTA: For Longstanding, Unreleased Grief
Unreleased grief is stored in deeper layers of the body-soul structure, says Kaminski, particularly the lungs, where it causes health problems such as asthma, frequent colds, and concavity of the chest. For this profound type of grief, she recommends the flower essence yerba santa.

Aromatherapy, for a Breath of Life
Try experimenting with the oils listed below to see "which one affects your heart when you smell it—which one makes you feel that you'll be able to overcome your sorrow and pain," says DeAnna Batdorff, a clinical aromatherapist and Ayurvedic practitioner in Forestville, California. To use the oil you select, put three drops in a teaspoon of a carrier oil such as almond or olive oil. Bottle an ounce of the mixture and inhale from the bottle or rub the formula on your ears whenever you like.

ROSE GERANIUM: A Balm for the Heart
This essential oil helps soothe grief by relaxing and opening the heart chakra, the subtle circle of energy around your heart and chest, Batdorff says.

BASIL: For Improving Concentration
Essential oil of basil is a mental stimulant, says Batdorff. It may be particularly good if you are having a hard time concentrating, which is a common problem in times of grief.

CEDARWOOD: If You're Feeling Tense
This essential oil is extremely grounding and softening, says Batdorff, and can help if you're feeling tense and anxious.