Heart- to-Heart Exercises for Couples Can Boost Inhibited Sexual Desire.

There are a lot of reasons that interest in sex diminishes in a relationship. "It could be stress, overwork, or child-rearing responsibilities, all of which create barriers to a regular and satisfying sex life," says Seth Prosterman, Ph.D., a sex therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in San Francisco.

The biggest reason, however, according to Dr. I'rosterman, is the same one that often leads partners to divorce: Lack of communication. When thoughts and feelings aren't shared, intimacy withers, and so does sexuality.To make the relationship and the sex fresh and exciting again, both partners first have to decide that they truly want to be intimate. Even then, there's no quick fix, but there are steps recommended by alternative practitioners that can help in the delicate process of increasing intimacy and restoring your sexual connection.

YOGA: Two Hearts Beat As One
Paul and Marilena Silbey of American Tantra in Fairfax, California, creators of the video "Intimate Secrets of Sex and Spirit," recommend a yoga exercise that brings more energy to the "heart chakra," the area in the chest that, according to yoga teaching, is the energetic center of love and intimacy.

Sit cross-legged on the bed facing each other, perhaps with the woman sitting in the man's lap with her legs around him and his around her, as if making love sitting up. If that isn't comfortable, you can stand and face each other. Then each of you should put your left hand over the other's heart and your right hand palm-down over the other's left hand.
Next, look into each other's eyes and synchronize your breathing, inhaling and exhaling together. Feel that all of the energy coming out of your eyes is flowing into the other person and that this energy then comes out of their hands and arms into you. Also feel that your energy is flowing into your hands and into the other person.
Do this as often and for as long as you find pleasurable, say the Silbeys. "This exercise creates a circular flow of energy between the two partners, uniting them at the heart chakra," says Paul Silbey.
You should do the exercise, either clothed or unclothed, in a private environment that fosters intimacy. If it leads you to express your intimacy in a sexual way, that's great, say the Silbeys.

BREATHING: Feeding The Heart
"Face each other and look into each other's eyes," says Paul Silbey. "Not at the newspaper, not at the bills, not out the window, but really focusing on the eyes."
Next, begin to breathe together slowly and deeply. On each exhale


tion, each of you should sigh audibly, making the sound "a ... a ... h . . . h."
"This sound feeds the heart just as water feeds a plant," says Marilena Silbey. It also creates a field of energy around the couple, increasing intimacy, she says. Do this exercise in any private environment that promotes intimacy for 1, ^, or 10 minutes, or however long you want to stay in the pleasurable field ol energy that you're creating with your partner.

TOUCHING: Do an Erogenous Zone Search
If it's been a long time since you've had enjoyable sex with your partner, or if sex has been infrequent for many months, it may be time for an exercise called the erogenous zone search, says Dr. Prosterman.
"The point of this exercise isn't to 'get sexy' with your partner but to discover new things about each other's sensuality so you can bring that newness into your sex," he says.
Touch all the areas of your partner's body—feet, legs, buttocks, hips, belly, chest, back, arms, hands, neck, face, and ears with light, short strokes. When one partner is finished, the other starts. As you do the exercise, the partner being touched rates the pleasurable level of each area that's stroked on a scale of plus 3 to minus 3, with 0 being neutral.

You may also want to do a similar exercise called guided touching, in which you tell your partner what kind of genital touch you find sexually stimulating.
"Be very specific," says Dr. Prosterman. For example, the woman might say, "1 like it when you touch my clitoris on the left side," or the man might say, "The head of my penis is too sensitive for that firm a stroke."
Keep in mind that this type of communication during a sexual encounter often leads to frustration. "It's much better to take the time outside of sex to discover how your partner likes to be touched, " says Dr. Prosterman.

TRADITIONAL CHINESE MEDICINE: Herbs That Heighten Desire
A number of Chinese herbs are thought to help stimulate sexual desire, says Christopher Hobbs, an herbalist and expert in Traditional Chinese Medicine in Santa Cruz, California.
He recommends taking a supplement of one or more of the following Chinese herbs and herbal formulas: Asian (panax) ginseng, ligustrum, denodrobium, or the Chinese formula called 8-Flavor Tea Pills. Follow the dosage recommendations on the product label.

FLOWER ESSENCES: Increase Your Motivation
Bach flower remedies flower-derived tinctures that help balance emotions can energize a woman's sexual desire, says Judy Howard, a nurse and director of training at the Bach Centre in Sotwell, England.
If you feel a complete lack of interest each time your partner approaches you, try the remedy horn bean, she says.
If you feel that your sex life is in a rut, and you want to focus on bringing more excitement into your sexual play, try wild rose. "This remedy will help you feel motivated to bring your sex life back to life," she says.
If your lack of sexual desire is caused by fatigue, try olive, Howard suggests.