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Pregnancy After 35 You'll Receive a Lot of Attention
A positive (sometimes negative) aspect of a first pregnancy is the attention you receive. At times you may be irritated by people who ask how you feel and what you're experiencing.
Allow people to help you and do things for you. Some women don't appreciate how much others are willing to do for them during their first pregnancy until they become pregnant again. Helpful attention is a luxury not always offered in subsequent pregnancies, so take advantage of it!
Sharing the News
You may feel a little awkward telling family members, friends and coworkers you're pregnant. Some people thoughtlessly offer their advice or opinions on "being an older mother."
If others are critical or do not have your best wishes in mind, ignore them! Focus your attention on staying healthy and having a happy pregnancy. Your pregnancy is your business-you don't need the good opinion of anyone else to make it a positive experience for you.
When you announce to coworkers and supervisors that you're pregnant, be prepared for a range of reactions. Be clear that you have made the right decision. Assure coworkers that your pregnancy is just one aspect of your life (a very important aspect), and you plan to continue your job as long as you are able.
REPEAT PREGNANCY
First-time pregnancy is unlike any other pregnancy you experience. Everything is new. In later pregnancies, things are different. Many women assume their second pregnancy will be just like their first. Often it isn't-your emotions in a repeat pregnancy may not be the same as in a first pregnancy. However, you may feel more relaxed.
In a repeat pregnancy, you are often seen as a "pregnant mother"; in other words, you should know what's going on. You may be reluctant to ask for extra attention, although you may need it more. A second pregnancy can be more stressful because of the extra demands on your time and energies. You must attend to your family's well being, take care of yourself and maybe a career as well. You may wonder where you will find the energy to satisfy everyone else's needs. Physical discomforts may bother you a bit more.
On the plus side, women usually have a shorter labor with their second child, often only about half as long as with a first baby. Pain does not lessen, but because labor is usually shorter and you know more of what to expect, it may be easier to handle.
Physical Changes
With a repeat pregnancy, you may show sooner because your muscles and skin are more stretched. Some women think they are further along than they really are because they look pregnant sooner than they did the first time. Be realistic about your body. If this is your second pregnancy, or if it's been a while since your last pregnancy, you may gain more weight, see stretch marks where there were none before, notice your breasts sag lower and feel a lack of combined with the natural effects of being older, takes its toll. Attention to your lifestyle-diet and exercise-can help a great deal.
You may experience backaches more frequently because your first pregnancy stretched the ligaments that hold the uterus in place. You may carry your second pregnancy lower, which puts pressure on your back and sometimes on your bladder.
Be careful when lifting, especially young children. Bending over to pick up a toddler can cause back pain. To help with backache, practice the exercises you learn in childbirth-education classes. A hot-water bottle or a light maternity girdle also helps relieve backache. (See page 149 for further information on backaches.)
Some Challenges with This Pregnancy
Because of demands on your time and energy, fatigue may be one of your greatest problems. It's a pregnant mother's most common complaint.
Rest is essential to your health and your baby's health. Rest and nap whenever you can. Nap when your child does, or put up your feet. Don't take on more tasks or new roles. Don't volunteer for a big project at work or anywhere else. Learn to say "No." You'll feel better!
You may start to feel guilty because you can't do everything you want to as your pregnancy progresses. Don't blame yourself for things that are out of your control. Take some time to evaluate a situation, do what you can, let the rest go, then relax and enjoy life.
Keep things in perspective-the health of you and your baby are most important.
Moderate exercise can boost your energy level and may eliminate or alleviate some discomforts. Consider an activity you can do with your child, but check with your doctor before starting any exercise program.
Stress can also be a problem. To alleviate stress, eat healthfully, exercise and get as much rest as possible. Take time for yourself Don't let mood swings control you. If you feel one coming on, remember it won't last forever.
A pregnancy support group is an excellent way to deal with difficulties you may experience in a second pregnancy. Check with your doctor for further information. You and your partner might also want to take a childbirth refresher course.
Involving Your Children
Being pregnant when you already have children is different from a first pregnancy. You'll probably feel anxious about how the new baby will affect your older children and your relationships with them.
Explain to children, in simple terms, how pregnancy affects your body. Try to help your children understand any problems you may experience, such as morning sickness. If you're too tired to do some regular activities with your children, let them know it's because of how you're feeling, not because of them. Reassure them that as soon as you feel better, you will do as much as possible with them.
Let your children help prepare for the new baby. Older children might help choose the baby's name or decorate the nursery. A picture drawn by a big brother or sister adds color to the baby's room and makes the older child feel important.
Delay telling very young children about the baby until they can see for themselves it is growing inside you. Even then, it may be better to wait until close to the baby's birth to tell a very young child (under 3). Time passes much more slowly for young children, and a couple of weeks seems like forever. If possible, use a familiar reference point for the birth, such as Thanksgiving or when school gets out.
Ask your doctor if it's all right to bring one child with you to a prenatal visit, so the child can listen to the baby's heartbeat. Or take your child to the hospital nursery to see the new babies. Many hospitals offer preparation classes for siblings; choose one suited to your child's age.
When your child asks questions, keep answers simple. For example, if your young child wants to know how the baby eats while it's growing inside you, an explanation such as "the baby gets its food from Mommy" will probably suffice. To your young child, your pregnancy isn't very important.
You may need to provide older children with more information.
Answer their questions honestly, but even with older kids, don't provide more information than they need. Most important, give them extra love and attention during this time, and plan time alone together with each of them after the baby is born.
Prepare Your Children for Your Absence
Let your children know in advance who will be caring for them. If possible, include them in making this decision. While you're in the hospital, have your children stay with someone they know and trust. If possible, allow them to stay at home, where things are familiar. This is a time of great upheaval for your children-make it as easy as possible on them.
Making Changes in Your Child's Life
Encourage your child's independence from you. Let your partner take over part of your regular childcare duties so they can spend time together without you. It'll help when you go to the hospital or are busy after the baby is born.
If you must make changes in your child's routine, such as putting her in a new room or taking away his crib, do it before the baby comes. If the change occurs near the time of the baby's birth, your older child may feel displaced. Wait awhile to give your older child's toys, clothes or bottles to the new baby, or it could cause resentment.
Don't try to make life easier on yourself by pushing toilet training or making your child give up the bottle. It can cause more problems than it resolves. Encourage your child toward independence in small steps at the appropriate times.
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