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Will You Be A Single Mother |
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Late -
Pregnancy
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Will You Be A Single Mother ? Some women choose to have a child without a spouse. Situations vary from woman to woman. Some women are deeply involved with the baby's father but have chosen not
to marry. Some women are pregnant without their partner's support. Still other single women have chosen donor (artificial) insemination as a means of getting pregnant. No matter what the personal situation for each woman, single mothers share many concerns.
Information in the first part of this chapter is general and deals with situations single mothers frequently face. Questions at the end of the chapter have no absolute answers. They are of a legal nature that we are not qualified to answer. We include them because the decision to have a baby as a single woman has legal ramifications you should be aware of If you are single and pregnant, use them as a basis for formulating questions about your own situation, then seek the advice of an attorney, a patient advocate, a hospital social worker, your doctor or family members.
People may ask why you chose to be a single mother as your pregnancy begins to show. Answers to this question vary greatly. Marriage doesn't meet the needs of many women, but their desire to be mothers-to give birth and parent-is very strong.
In many situations-whether a mother is single, widowed or divorced-a child's overall environment is more important than the presence of a man in the household. Women head 86% of single parent households. Recent studies indicate that if a woman has other supportive adults to depend on, a child can fare well in a home headed by a single woman.
Interest In Your Decision
People may ask you the most intimate questions during your pregnancy, especially if you are single. If you believe you need to answer their questions, decide early how detailed an explanation you want to provide.
Some people may think your choice is unwise and tell you you're crazy to have a baby alone. However, your true friends won't treat you this way. Once they understand your situation, they'll be supportive. If anyone gives you a hard time, change the subject. Don't discuss your reasons for having a baby with anyone unless you want to.
Even if you are "alone," you're not really alone. Seek support from family and friends. Mothers of young children can identify with your experiences-they have had similar ones recently. If you have friends or family members with young children, talk with them. You would probably share your concerns with these people even if you were married. Try not to let your particular situation alter this.
Sometimes a single woman's family is against her decision to have a baby. If you are comfortable with your decision, ask family members to talk to you about the reasons they are uncomfortable with your pregnancy. You may not change their minds; you have no control over that. You do have control over your response; learn to live with their disapproval or ignore it.
Some women choose not to marry their partners. If this is your situation, you may find that people assume you and your partner are married, especially if you are pregnant and together. In most cases, it's nobody's business; however, do tell your doctor about the situation.
Emotional upheavals aren't uncommon for many women during pregnancy. If coping with emotions is hard for you, talk with your doctor. Office personnel will know about support groups, or they can direct you to a counselor, if that is what you need. Check the resource section of this book, page 351, for a group you can contact that deals with the issues of single motherhood.
Deciding Who Can Help You
Finding someone to count on for help during your pregnancy and after your baby arrives is a concern for many single pregnant women. One friend said she thought about whom she would call at 2 A.M. if her baby were crying uncontrollably. When she answered that question, she had the name of someone she believed she could count on in any type of emergency-during or after pregnancy!
Choose someone to be with you when you labor and deliver, and someone who will be there to help afterward. The only part of labor and delivery that might require special planning because you're single is your plan to get to the hospital to deliver. One woman wanted her friend to drive but couldn't reach her when the time came. Her next option (all part of the plan) was to call a taxi, which got her to the hospital in plenty of time.
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